thought ♣ season change

as abruptly the heat returns, spinning my already blurry world a tad bit faster, a tad bit deeper into the fall session. i stand knee-deep consciously unaware of this sudden weather change, clouds of mercurial thoughts, and restless nights bank dangerously close. with my newly acquired safety blanket of friendly dog hair, and a pillow reserve lie in wait for any sudden cooling trend shivering in anticipation. preparing as best as most can, i can hardly contain my patience urging myself to dive head-first foot long deep into the familiar equinox of seasons change.

thought ! recipe for change

two drops of bordom
with a dash of fatigue
my need to be pleased
equates to postmortem
super seeding the act to breathe
lay waste, make haste
to find busy work
change pace, new place
different is the perk

thought : sunday "sabor"

spaghetti, spamoni, soda, and a happy birthday later. we walked, literally next door to a local modern disco. linebacker status checking our id's - blessed with free! 10:21! nine minutes short of the deadline. two by two by 1, gentlemen i am, i had to hold the door open for current company. red-striped double fisted, then off to the empty dance floor. "a rump pa pumnp" with laser beams making the reggae mix. making due, i chose to go with the flow. shuffle to and fro. red boots knee high with butter fly thighs taking the spotlight drawing my eyes. time flies when fun applies. late night people watch, holiday congestion. darkness then bright lights followed by a herding of unwanted cattle. inventory check, check! and were out the door two less and into a cab ride home.

thought : hello again, myself

strong winds of anxiety threw me into a torrent of emotion, a verbal display of being outwardly vicious. a mix of guilty pleasures, simple realizations. where was i leading myself? into something i wanted? stuttered and stammered then went defcon 4 to self destruct. these are the most terrible of times, where questions arise from the thick mucus of doubt. lodged uncomfortably in my throat. each swallow a painful reminder that im ingesting a sickness. self inflicted. self diagnosed, followed by a remedy of denial. perhaps a dash of confusion? some peppered fear? im allergic to reality and sneeze in surrender.

thought - jazz right through me

"oooooo!"
you hear that note?
soothing my soul,
dropping it from way, way down low,
"baadummp"
goes the beat matching my "all ears" heart.
"aaaahhh!"
followed by the boom of the vocalists part!
"beep! beep! beep!,"
salted and peppered on the track from the sax man,
play that moody verse just one more time man!
the high hat hits with the way i wish,
the snares dont miss! musical bliss
from my speakers they speak,
cheek to cheek my grin appears to be!
as the jazziest of jazz,

jazzes right through me..

thought - flashes of brilliance

in and out of those shadowy undertones,
never learned the lessons or realizing what ive been shown.
on loan -
wishing for a lower percentage,
love drone -
seeking for a clear cut message.
just now! you see that?
postage already paid,
wonder how? fat chance!
when these feelings made their way.
ignorance within the bliss..

flashes of brilliance.

thought - alone

what is it about me?
that subscribes to a co-dependency,
a need not to be free but still wanting.
to explore and gape multiple landscapes,
only to return again still friends wanting,
i fight with myself,
each blow personally delt and felt
deeply always flaunting,
the task at hand
known to befall bigger and better a man,
standing eye to eye,
all so daunting. duality

thought - breath of fresh air

the decision you make will take you a few
to sink in and make clear of what's askew.
exhale the details of this problem that would,
fester inside you, give strife through,
these recent days.
now breathe in deeply not to cheaply,
all expenses paid in the long awaited break in this haze.
hold a tad longer than usual,
stronger becomes the honesty that sounds musical.
just listen to... the rhythmic
breathing...

thought - food therapy

i smell you calling, the salt, that grease!
seeking you out with no place to hide except in my belly, peice by piece!
perhaps the whole pie? why try and deny,
the cravings thats raving to tell me.
- more items fried!
dont speak of calories or grams of fat, low-carb crap! dont
give me that!
side order of ranch, xtra cheese,
onion rings, easy mustard please.
oh what euphoria food will bring!
my appetite insatiable, my room for the fourth meal capable,

for my.

alcohol therapy.

thought - latenight in the rain

as the clouds whisper about me, and leak their secrets in the crisp night air.
i can't help but remember your warmth of being there.
during a previous drizzle of romance and emotion.
i would use the same kind of cool moisture to carry my love notions.
it was a time when they would soak in deeply and refresh your anticipation.
where your reach for me was rewarding for you and without hesitation.
the only thing that would make you quiver were my promises that caressed your face. taking our imaginations and lifting our dreams to a far off place.
warm days for your taste and cool nights for mine.
given me no particular reason to enjoy your embrace.
while we would kindly unwind.
funny thing i can't ever recall any music playing in the backround,
your voice and laughter were the only enjoyable memories of sound.
next to that soft water splatter on the window pain,
all on a similar,

late night in the rain.

thought - organic coffee

rich, slow drip, crushed grinds.
behind the awakening of my mind.
unadulterated caffeinated in a corrugated cardboard cup.
self sufficient on a personal mission, hand held, warm to the touch.
not cost effective, reminder of some past electives, always calls my bluff.
morning or midnight, personal jet,
small flight, deny that landing yet?
diuretic everything copacetic.

Pass through liquid.